To my Tita with Love

It has been exactly 1 year 9 months and twenty days since you left me. I saw you during the midnight you suffer the extremes of your ailment. I was there. I was beside you. I looked at you straight to your eyes and I know that you wanted to say my name. But you can't. You just can't.
I saw you during the midnight you suffer the extremes of your ailment. I was there. I was beside you. I saw you pissed on your own bed because of the excruciating pain you feel. Your unintelligibl cries pierced my heart deeply, but I have to hold my tears back. I have to be strong, for myself and for you.
I saw you during the midnight you suffer the extremes of your ailment. I was there. I was beside you. I know you don't want to let go. You have always wanted a long normal life with your nephews and your nieces. You have always wanted to escape the sufferings you had since your birth. But the next, you did let go. You did surrender your soul to our Lord who has always loved you, to our Lord who had given you enough time to express your love to your family, especially to me.
You had stood as my mother during the times when my own immediate family was ripped by lies and pretenses. You had protected me from the hands of fate, keeping my curiosity and innocence. You had taken care of me and focused your attention to me during the course of your life. You were the one who sings lullaby for me to sleep. You were the one who helped me in my homeworks. You are the one who loved me as much as my parents had.
Now, it'll be my second christmas without you. Oh tita, how I missed your gifts. How I missed your voice. How I missed the entirety of you. I wonder how you spend your Christmas in heaven: of how the Light of the Lord satisfies everything in there. Is it Christmas there everyday? Can you tell me?
Down here on earth, Christmas is still the Christmas when the people starved. It is always like that everyday. I wonder where is the hope that these people seek. Will this remain as hope?
I saw you during the midnight you suffered the extremes of your ailment. I was there. I was beside you. I have a question. Did you leave me just to see that the real world is much more tougher than the way it has played its cards on me? Or did you leave just for me to realize that I am as strong as anyone in the world who is striving as hard as they can to survive the harshness of life?
Tell me. Tell me.