Religion, for me, is just a result of fanaticism. Yes, there are perks if you actually join one, for example, you get to have a company, meet new folks, develop together spiritually etc. But one thing that bothers me about religion is its ability to dictate, more often than not, subtly to its followers, thus, blinding them to personal analysis of a certain issue. I am not talking about the Catholic Church alone (I am baptised a Catholic btw), but any other religion out there. (To tell you something, I am horrified with Islam and I have the tendency to relate it to violence. Blame the media for that).
Many things affected me leading to my belief right now. On a large scale, take for example the meddling of the Church to a purely secular and political issue about legislating the RH Bill (Kudos to Carlos Celdran), claiming that it will be an issue of morality. Personally however, I am always bothered by the way my grandfather seemed to "worship" Brother Eli Soriano. When I attended a worship service of this Church, which I did as a favor to my lolo, this tele-evangelist claimed, with the "basis" from Paul, that the 10 Commandments were given by an angel not by God. for the record, I was scandaled when out of nowhere, Soriano asked to flash a series of "testimonials" claiming that they saw this annoying and ill-mouthed evangelist's head was illuminated by a unknown light source- implying that Soriano was sent by the heaven here. These things made me think if religion is actually necessary. As i viewed religion, the longer it stays the more it gets traditional and ceremonial-- making faith superficial, not a deep communication cord with God.
Currently, I am reading The God Delusion by the famous atheist Richard Dawkins. I got interested in this book because of a series of online conversation with my friend and some readings about the author. I am not yet finished with book (I have read 2 chapters now and mostly they deal about the falsity of agnosticism, the delusion of the existence of a supernatural intelligence), but I have doubts on whether I should finish the book or not. I always feel sad and burdened by reading every word of the book. Dawkins' arguments are well established and frankly logical in a scientific point of view. He can really be persuasive and while reading the book, there are moments that I seemed to doubt the actual existence of God. This book is shaking me yet I am afraid to let go of my faith. I always feel the tension between my curiosity to finish the book and the belief that there is someone there watching me reading TGD.
Religion is a very difficult matter to discuss, considering the high level of respect it receives from any society. In our country, being the only Catholic country in Asia, the Church has the control on our collective unconscious (Maybe this is a manifestation that we are not actually over with the oppressive control of the Spanish). However for me, I have to say that I do not belong to any religions or if I do have one, I have to call it a religion of my own. I just have to go directly to God if I have to confess, request, or want his Guidance without any intervention of a dictating third party. After all-- and ironically for I have learned this from my Theology professor-- I really could not comprehend the very nature of God because I am just human.