Taking anti-histamines helped. It pacified my nose and luckily, I stopped coughing on Tuesday. The good news is I felt better. The bad news: It lasted for like I few hours.
So there I was, so bitin of the relief and lying in the bed under my blanket, sick with fever, head searing with pain and trying to entertain myself with Grey's Anatomy Season 7 marathon. The fever wasn't as annoying as the allergic rhinitis + cough combo, but it's WORSE when something at the back of my mouth started to pulse with pain. It turned out that I am about to have my wisdom tooth!
Yes! A wisdom tooth. A WISDOM-FREAKING-TOOTH! AND I AM FREAKING 19! PANIIIIIIIC!!!!!
This year, there's a looming fear inside me. It's not the scary-fear type but it's a more subtle fear- the bothering type of fear. I am bothered by the fact that I turned 19 last June and I am turning 20 next year! Why am I bothered? I don't know but maybe because Edward Cullen get to stay 17 eternally, then freaking Bella 18 (or 19, I'm not sure) and I am going to be freaking 20 when the suffix "teen" is nowhere to be found in 20!
To be clear, I am not afraid of growing old. I was never afraid of growing old. Growing old is the first thing I wished for so that I could run away from the miserable home that I had. So why this subtle fear? Why am I panicking in the middle of this circumcision-reminiscing pain pulsing at the back of my mouth?
Maybe because I'm still longing for my dream childhood that I never had (Futile, i know). Maybe because growing a year older means another year lost-- another price that I have to pay for fucking up big time. Or maybe because I am just lost and I do not have any idea of what future holds for me.
Maybe that's the answer. Or maybe I will just have to take this white pill in hopes that this annoying pain will be alleviated for the next 8 hours.