On Criticizing Both Sides: Am I salawahan?

With all these hoolabaloos on CGMA lately, I have been very active in voicing out my opinion. I have participated and initiated online conversations in FB and Twitter and I have to say that engaging online is a level field for all of us. What made me sad though is the way how I was called "salawahan" by some of our friends and say that my opinion is just a swayed parlance in order for me "to suck to the people who matters".

Let me address this allegation by clarifying my stand on these issues.

First, I am totally against the Secretary of Justice's act defying the Temporary Restraining Order issued by the Supreme Court. I reiterate that this is a desperate move by a panicking government afraid that their opponent is about to run the hell out of the country. It only showsthat the current administration is will to transgress the basic doctrine of Separation of Powers just to cover up their inadequacies.

Having been firm with the above-stated-- and please note that I do not try to play lawyer while opining as such-- I have to make it clear that my stand does not automatically make me pro-Arroyo. In a facebook group, I agree with the comment that Sec De Lima's action is now beyond Arroyo-- which brings me to my next point.

I have also been voicing my concern about Arroyo's lawyer playing doctor in the recent interviews. Claiming that because of the patient-doctor confidentiality, the doctors are forced to keep their mouth shut about the medical abstract of the former President. Due to this, we now see Lambino and Elena Bautista-Horn saying that CGMA is too sick to be in a detention facility but not too sick to be allowed for a house arrest. It is funny how they said those statements in just a span of a week. It made me suspicious about this miraculous turn of Cgma's condition from life-threatening to  ok-enough-to-be-out-of-hospital-arrest within just few days. And I did not fail to also voice out my opinion especially when Lambino, in effect, admitted that what they're saying about Gloria's condition are overheards from the conversation between the ex-President and her doctors.

I understand where the "salawahan" comment comes from especially that it is obvious that I criticized both sides but I was hurt with the allegation that my opinions are only being said because i want to suck up to somebody. I have to make it clear that all of my opinions are my own and however unqualified I am to make such opinion is not anyone's business. It is because I do not pretend to be an expert on any field. As I have understood, my opinions are protected by the Constitution and should be respected. After all, I have never disrespected my attackers' opinion.

One thing I have learned from my dear friend Tita Beth Angsioco is that we should evaluate political figures by issue and not by hasty generalizations. I always keep this in mind and I hope by writing this post, you may understand where I am coming from. Also, I would want to clarify that I blog on my own accord and I am neither paid nor do this to please anybody. I blog because, simply, I can-- and nothing more

On being sick and growing a wisdom tooth: Maybe

This week, I was so sick partly because I drank last weekend and had allergic rhinitis during the next few days. I was fooled to believe that smoking the shisha (You know the arabic thing that you put some flavor and you inhale it?) won't affect me like cigarette does. So the next day, I found myself endlessly barking with cough and sneezing the sanity out of nose. ANNOYING-- that's how I describe the feeling allergic rhinitis compounded with phlegm-less cough.

Taking anti-histamines helped. It pacified my nose and luckily, I stopped coughing on Tuesday. The good news is I felt better. The bad news: It lasted for like I few hours.

So there I was, so bitin of the relief and lying in the bed under my blanket, sick with fever, head searing with pain and trying to entertain myself with Grey's Anatomy Season 7 marathon. The fever wasn't as annoying as the allergic rhinitis + cough combo, but it's WORSE when something at the back of my mouth started to pulse with pain. It turned out that I am about to have my wisdom tooth!

Yes! A wisdom tooth. A WISDOM-FREAKING-TOOTH! AND I AM FREAKING 19! PANIIIIIIIC!!!!!

***
This year, there's a looming fear inside me. It's not the scary-fear type but it's a more subtle fear- the bothering type of fear. I am bothered by the fact that I turned 19 last June and I am turning 20 next year! Why am I bothered? I don't know but maybe because Edward Cullen get to stay 17 eternally, then freaking Bella 18 (or 19, I'm not sure) and I am going to be freaking 20 when  the suffix "teen" is nowhere to be found in 20!

To be clear, I am not afraid of growing old. I was never afraid of growing old. Growing old is the first thing I wished for so that I could run away from the miserable home that I had. So why this subtle fear? Why am I panicking in the middle of this circumcision-reminiscing pain pulsing at the back of my mouth?

Maybe because I'm still longing for my dream childhood that I never had (Futile, i know). Maybe because growing a year older means another year lost-- another price that I have to pay for fucking up big time. Or maybe because I am just lost and I do not have any idea of what future holds for me.

Maybe that's the answer. Or maybe I will just have to take this white pill in hopes that this annoying pain will be alleviated for the next 8 hours.

Untitled blabber

There are a lot of recent events that happened to my life these past few weeks: moved out of the house, lived in with boyfriend, took a leave at school, moved out of bf's house and now I am here, writing this post using my friend's laptop and trying to vent everything out of system. However I am uncertain of what's life to offer me tomorrow, the next few days, weeks or months, I just want to say thank you to my friends who rescued me  from falling face flat again. Kaya ko to!

Sorry but this post will be liberal-- free. What comes to my mind will just appear here in the post.

First, I am happy on where blogging brought me. I was just commenting on the Para Kay Janjan Facebook page on how disgusted I was with Willie Revillame, and now, I am here attending meetings after meetings and being active with the advocacy so close to my heart and meeting all these people. I also got the chance to write for BlogWatch. I am also copywriting articles so I get to earn my keep (I have no choice, I have to move out of that crappy situation). I am doing a lot of things now, and I like it, I don't complain. It makes me busy and distracted.

I need to be distracted because I am afraid of the silence. The silence conjures the ghosts of the recent past-- the very ghosts of the crappy things which lead me to where I am right now. It is also in that silence when the voice of my father resonates in me. That voice terrifies me and reduces me to self-pity. I can't even talk back to that voice even though the urge in me is already near-exploding. I don't know, maybe it's for the sake of respecting one's parent or maybe my strength to even respect myself in front of him was snatched away from me. The same time that the voice keeps playing, my thoughts are flooded with images of the people who think I'm not worth any of their attention. I just hate the silence. The silence can easily take my sanity away.

So here I am again, writing this post trying to vent out. Maybe this will not ease everything. i wanted to scream though, I just don't know where to do that foolish act. I just wanted to cry but I can't seem to cry it all out. I wanted to shake it all off but it seems that I can't even to that. therefore, I just really need to be distracted.