Friday, July 16, 2010

Whew! Hard!

It is hard having a life without a certain goal-- when you had just witness that your whole world, together with your dreams, had crushed upon your very eyes. It is hard, yes: harder than having Sue Sylvester gets to have a scoliosis for 30-so years.

Whenever I am alone by myself, thoughts are haunting me and they confront me with an excruciating suffering of whether I will stay this slowpoke for the rest of my life or not. Of course,I would want to be someone great. After all, that was my fuel way back those time when I was in the Ateneo. TO BE GREAT. Whatever form it will take, basta, I have to be great. Also, I dreamed of being a surgeon (as inspired by Meredith Grey) or a teacher in college having all these Ph.D's or any other affixes to my name. Yes, I was so determined that time to have as many achievements as I could and I was so competitive. But you see, those days are replaced (I would not say that they were gone. There is still hope. I know) by a cruel nightmare spanned its way for almost a year now. I lacked focus and I feel strength to continue with life was snatched away from me. I am not that enthusiastic with life now. I feel miserable and even I can't comprehend the gravity of grief that I am feeling now.

It is just I feel that I am lost from the chaotic history of life. Yes, I fucked up entirely but you know, there is always these thoughts that if ever I had a better family, i would be a better person right now. I know it is sooo foolish of me wanting for something that is irreplaceable but if you could just know how my father terrorize me emotionally, you would want to have a better father. How could he be so selfish? He is! Soooo selfish that he can't even help me overcome my sickness. He always looks at me with disgusts that I didn't know where it is coming from. He just hated me being myself and I can't even get his respect. Well, I am just going with the flow with this kind of father and as God as my witness, there will come a time when I am the one who will have the last hearty laugh over him. Thinking of him is enough to have my mind discombobulated and chaotic. I hate it when he can't even feel a sort of remorse and blame everything to me including the death of my tita who died because of a heart failure. He would not even take some responsibility over the craziness of his life and often tell me that we have problems of our own and we must deal with it by myself. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE CONCEPT OF FAMILY AS A FAMILY. They were the one who taught us to be selfish with our feelings!

Life is hard especially having my situation. I just wish to have something that will inspire me to do again. Just a little something to propel me forward!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Fucking up is the hardest thing to live with

The difference, I realized, between being alive and being dead is that sense of push that motivates you to continue further with life. That motivation propels you forward to do the things you like, to make things happen as you want them to happen, and most especially, to pursue what you are really passionate about--that is, your dreams. That sense of motivation is clearly what I am lacking now.
I was not a good person. I shit around so much in Ateneo: Totally enjoying the temporary freedom given to me away from the horrors of my home and simultaneously losing my own self of identity. I betrayed trusts and friendships and confused with the feeling of being alone. An irony it is, because I was the one who turned down the opportunities to reconcile. Yes, I shit so much....and I totally regret those shitting around. God knows how my conscience grinds my soul in remorse.
Right now, I just don't know. I just don't know what to do with this fucking life. My mother, fortunately, tries to bridge the gap between us and I, fortunately, had overcome the life-long communication barrier between us and I am totally grateful that she understands my position. She always ask me what my plans are, and the only reply that she is getting (as you would predict): I DON'T KNOW. And what I don't understand with this "I don't know" is that I used to be this dreamer who always want to soar and I did soar at some point in my life. I just don't understand why I am like this.
It is not easy for me, yes, living my life like this--without purpose. And some people around me thinks that I am just still playing with my life. I am not playing games now, I am being existential. Now that I am trying to reconnect with my father, siblings and other family relationships: They are making it harder for me. Mocking me. Honestly, when I am with my father, I always have this feeling that he mocks me, he disgusts me because I'm gay, and he thinks that I am now hopeless. It is really hurting me....excruciatingly, and he thinks I deserve to be in this ravine. He sometime says good things about me but I can feel the fakeness of those words. I can't see the ingenuity of him when he talks at me, I am feeling the mockery and malice.
Yes, I did fell a long long way down since and right now, I am totally wasted. I lack the motivation to go further and now losing hope in getting one because there are still people around me that denies me of having one. As much as I plead for their help to salvage me, they are just making it harder for me. Right now, I think I need help from my friends or even someone who could I talk to with and just burst out because these tears need to flow out of me. I am alone, I know, because of own doings, but right now....I need your help.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

ഖി സിസ്-ജെ?


Qui suis-je? Je m’appelle Angelo Louise Jalandoni-Lopez. J’ai 15 ans et je suis né le 11 juin 1993 en l’Hôpital de l’Université de Saint-Thomas à Manille. Je suis un étudiant à l’Université de l’Ateneo de Manille et j’étudie les sciences de la vie. Je suis philippin et j’habite à Marikina. Depuis en étudiant mon cours, je vais prendre medicine être un médicin.

J’adore en sachant beaucoup choses. J’adore en lisant mes livres des les sciences et des les litteratures. Je très aime Harry Potter et Da Vinci Code. J’écris des essays, des poèmes et des histoires-petites aussi. Actualement, j’ai gagné une competition nationale pour le journalisme quand je fus en école secondaire.

Je n’adore pas en étudiant seulement; mais, je fais autres activités aussi. Je très adore danser de preference le ballet. J’ai été dansant le ballet en divers productions compris un rôle danseur en Tchaikovski’s Le Lac du Cygne. Je fais du théâtre et j’ai été en agissant pour plusieurs anée. Aussi, j’aime jouer à l’escrime (Je joue à l’escrime très bien!). J’ai gagné une compétition en l’escrime de le mois dernier. Je joue à la natation aussi mais je ne suis pas bien.

Je rêve d’aller en France ou voyager tout le monde. Je veux voir l’Éiffel et le Louvre (je veux voir le feu d’artifice et La Joconde). En future, je veux être un médicin aider les gens.

MES AMIS:

Connie

Connie est fille simple mais très intelligente. Elle a gagné une competition nationale pour les études scientifique. Elle a une etudes en le cancer recherche. C’est magnifique!

Jess

Jess est une fille douse et charmant. Elle est une bien amie!






Ances

Ances est une fille bruyante à qui voix est forte. Elle est une bien amie aussi!






Kenny

Kenny est une fille creative. Sa imagination est aux couleurs vives.

Elle écrit des poèmes et des essays très magnifiques!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Willie for Senate is not a good idea

Recently, I heard from rumors that Willie Revillame could run for a senatorial position in the 2010 Elections. Armed with the soaring popularity and adoration from the Filipinos especially those of the masses (due to his ever-famous show Wowowee, where huge amounts of money are given to people everyday, however, he has not yet affirmed this statement; but, he exclaimed in an interview that in "2010 may bago, abangan niyo".

On a recent poll conducted by Pulse Asia, Willie has "good chances for 2010 polls". Sampled from 1200 respresentative voters with plus/minus 3% error, clearly, the masses vie for him to run in the senate. They were askes: "Kung ang nasabing halalan sa 2010 ay isasagawa ngayon, sinu-sino sa mga sumusunod na personalidad ang inyong iboboto kung sakaling sila ay kakandidato sa pagka-senador? Puwede kayong pumili ng hanggang 12 panglan.”

I have nothing against Mr. Revillame-- he is indeed a kind-hearted person who has the passion to serve the people, to bring hapiness to the people. Yet, the question is not about his passion to serve, the question is about him as a person "fit" for that senatorial spot.

The Philippine Senate has its own history of celebreties sitting/ed on its seats. The popularity of this celebreties, obviously, paved them their way to have a place in it. However how they are rich and famous, we, the people rarely see them "actively" participating in the comings and goings in the senate (By saying 'actively' participating, it means that they know the processes of legislation). Indeed, we see them, hypocritely, donating tons of money to this foundations and that foundations (though good, but for there own gain), passing boring and lousy and not-so-helping bills that they thnk will be for the benefit of the greater.

If Mr. Revillame runs, will he be a good senator or not? Will he be a hypocrite senator or not?

He is wealthy, adorable, and admirable; however, does he know the comings and goings of the legislation, the laws and all that will help the government govern this corruption-infested country? If he is rich enough to have two yacths, a set of cars, and a grandeur-reflecting house in corinthian Hills, will that be enough to excuse him from corrupting the public funds? We know not.

For the record, Mr. Revilliame also has a history of alleged molestations, and other acts that lead to suspension of some of his shows during the past. These will not disqualify him, though, for running for Senate; but, will we allow him to grab that position. i dare say, NO WE SHOULD NOT!

The Senate needs more intelligent people to handle its processes. The Senate needs more Miriam Defensor-Santiago's and Jovito Salonga's than those celebreties who only have their popularity as their weapon. The more celeberity we will put in the Senate in the next elections, the more the evidences shall be that the Filipinos are indeed narrow-minded. We protest our government as a puppet of the American Government yet we do not know how to handle such government. If the government is for the people, then we must put proper officials in it: less corrupt, less celebrities, more intellectuals. If the government is by the people, then we must select the proper individuals with proper ideals to lead us to improvements.

On the other hand, for Mr. Revillame and the other celebrities, let them help the peoplen in their own ways without the power vested by government seats.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Inquirer’s Homework is not DepEd’s Primary Homework

December 7, 1998, President Joseph Ejercito-Estrada, as part of his Ten-Point Action Plan, issued Executive Order no. 46 to create the Philippine Commission on Educational Reform to “define a budget-feasible program of reform, and identify executive priority policy recommendations and items for a legislative agenda on education.” The result is the proposal to add a one year “pre-baccalaureate” term between high school and college for students who are found deficient for taking a concentration in order for them to be “equip[ped]…well enough to undertake more challenging university work.”

Every president promulgates a survey to review and reassess the educational system. Marcos has his Presidential Commission to Survey Philippine Education (PCSPE); Aquino, Educational Commission (EDCOM); Ramos, Philippines 2000; Estrada, PCER; and Arroyo, the National Competitiveness Council (NCC) through the virtue of EO 571 (October 6, 2006). All of the said commissions and reforms are tantamount to PCER’s proposal to extend the basic education curriculum from 10 years to 11-13 years. In fact, only last year a bill was passed in the Congress to petition the immediate effect of the proposed K-12 system of learning in Philippine public education that will “improve the ‘level of learning’ in the country, however, it didn’t pass the second reading of the bill because of the side-by-side criticisms and objections.

The primary basis of these commissions and survey is the continuous deterioration of public education. From professional brain drain to the awful ranking of our students in the world’s Math and Science proficiency, it is basically elusive to name the main reason of this deterioration. On an editorial entitled Homework dated February 7, 2009, the Philippine Daily Inquirer suggested that the main reason why the basic education is decaying is the “bloated education bureaucracy that is the underbelly of corruption, waste and mismanagement.” However, this is not the case for a question consequentially follows this statement: If we have effectively exterminated corruption out of the system, will the education cease deteriorating? I think not, for the problem itself dwells within the hearts of the Basic Education Curriculum.

One major revision in the Philippine Basic Education is the 2002 Basic Education Curriculum through the virtue of the Department of Education (DepEd) Order no. 25 s. 2002, issued June 17, 2002. Through this, DepEd envisions every student to be functionally literate, equipped with life skills, appreciative of the arts and sports and imbued with the desirable traits of a person: “maka-Diyos, makabayan, makatao at makakalikasan”. BEC basically restructured the former elementary and secondary education curricula and compressed the ten subjects into five general ones: English, Filipino, Science, Mathematics and Makabayan (a super subject which includes Geography, History and Civics, Values Education, Technology and Livelihood Education (TLE) and Music, Arts, Physical Education and health (MAPEH)). With this, BEC is supposed to displace the “theoretical, crowded” previous curricula and teach the basic skills needed by the students in order to apply theories learned in classroom to everyday life. Another question arises from this point: How basic is basic?

Basically, the BEC only teaches the basics in the classroom and thus, provides the students no mastery in the said learning areas. For example, in the subjects English and Filipino which are continuous throughout the curriculum, grammar is taught extensively and redundantly. As soon as the pupil enters grade one, parts of speech are introduced one by one while usage is taught simultaneously. Apparently, there is no significant flaw in this part; however, as the student enters the succeeding grades, the same topic is still taught, however, in a more difficult sentence structures. This system will continue until the end of the curriculum. What is the apparent flaw in this system is that other learning areas connected to languages (such as literature, communications, et cetera) is simply overlooked. Though these subjects oftentimes include Basic Journalistic Writing, the fact that it is basic journalism can only contribute a minimal effect to the student’s academic reservoir. Therefore, even though a student mastered the grammar (which is contradictory from the results of the World’s English Proficiency tests which suggests that the Philippines ranked 42nd out of the 43 countries), s/he could not use his/her grammar because it is not applied in various learning areas.

In Mathematics, on the other hand, arithmetic is taught throughout grade school. The variability of this subject is that the level of difficulty of the computations as the student progresses up into the ladder of education, is basically dependent on the increasing number of digits of the given. Polya’s Four Step Problem Solving is taught; however, it does not promote critical thinking to the students. Mathematics in the Basic Education Curriculum is definitely a waste of time. Instead of teaching and providing mastery for the students in the primary level (first grade to fourth grade) in the arithmetic while the intermediate level teach pre- and algebra proper so that higher mathematics is taught in high school (Trigonometry, Geometry and Elementary Calculus), BEC lets the students absorb minimal skills which contradicts to the objective of the BEC itself.

All of these minute problems that have accumulated over time are partly because of the incompetent teachers teaching our students. What will we expect from the teachers that learned from the same redundant, ineffective Basic Education Curriculum? How will a blind help another blind?

The Philippine Daily Inquirer, however, seems like overlook this major factor that contributes to the continuous deterioration of the Philippine Education. Instead of addressing the greater problem, the editorial deflected the issue into an easier aspect that takes a little effort to rebut (corruption) — indeed, a flamboyant and intricate form of red herring. It does take into account that corruption in DepEd’s bureaucracy affects the education system; however, indirectly. Exterminating corruption in the bureaucracy (though it will take a greater effort for the government to do this) will contribute to the efficiency of the government but will not address the problem in education directly (as well as any other problem in different areas of the government).

Questions shall arise from this point: If the elimination of corruption in the bureaucracy does not address the issue-at-hand, then how can we mend the problem in education? What are the basic steps in order to fully implement the solution as questioned by the previous statement?

The answer in the first question is very obvious: Mend the curriculum itself— that is, come up with a concrete solution not with additional criticisms. I suggest doing the following:

1. Since the current Basic Education Curriculum main objective is to provide the students with necessary, basic skills that are applicable in real life situations, upgrade the BEC into a problem-based curriculum that will present reality simulations. A concrete example of this is the integration of laboratory work in the theory-based learning.

2. Widen the scopes of the subject, that is, integrate relevant learning areas into the incumbent subjects. For example, grammar should only be taught in the primary level so that the intermediate and secondary level will be able to teach communications, literature and journalism. Moreover, pre-algebra and algebra proper should be taught in the intermediate level so that basic higher and advanced mathematics should displace the said subjects in high school.

3. Scrap MAKABAYAN. Instead of clumping the humanities subject into one, why not teach them individually. Arts and Music must be strengthened and the degree of importance with these subjects should be leveled equal to Physical Education. Also, history must be promoted in order for the students to understand their rich heritage. The subject Technology and Livelihood Education should be scrapped and let computer education replace this.

4. Strengthen the foundations of the students in Sciences. Instead of integrating Science and Health into the English subjects of Grades I and II, let the pupils learn the fundamentals of natural sciences. With this, we can prepare them as early as those levels for learning and understanding of higher aspects such as Biology, Chemistry and Physics.

5. Offer elective subjects such as foreign languages, entertainment arts etc. With this, we can let them develop their talents and excel in their own chosen area.

6. Periodically equip the teachers the right knowledge in order for them to teach efficiently our students. Moreover, raise their salary and benefits so that they will be not discouraged in their profession (Note that public school teaching is one of the jobs that is virtually paid the least). Upgrade the curriculum of Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education and Bachelor of Science in Secondary Education, if deemed necessary.

Of course all of which will be maximized if the officials are transparent enough.

The answer to the later question, however, will serve as a conclusion. In order for us to implement a certain executive reform on education, we must first learn to recognize the long-term benefits that we can get from it. The pandemic replies of the public with accordance to current and previous educational reforms are very negative: Educational reforms will just add up to the burden of parents for their children. We should realize that these reasons or excuses are indeed myopic and a concrete proof that Filipinos are narrow-minded. With this, we could not come up with an effective educational reform that will help us stabilize the foundations of our economy. Let us not, therefore, deflect all issues regarding these reforms to corruption, which is of course a different issue; instead, let us recognize that there is a need for change and this change is necessary. We must think outside the box so that we could analyze the system and see the real roots of the problems. However, it will take us years and costs in order for us to see the returns, yet the investments will turn out to be useful. Let us be reminded of the importance of education and literacy for our economy. If we fully implement an efficient executive priority on education ceteris paribus, we will witness a growing globally competent labor force that will salvage the sunken economy of the Philippines.#