Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Untitled blabber

There are a lot of recent events that happened to my life these past few weeks: moved out of the house, lived in with boyfriend, took a leave at school, moved out of bf's house and now I am here, writing this post using my friend's laptop and trying to vent everything out of system. However I am uncertain of what's life to offer me tomorrow, the next few days, weeks or months, I just want to say thank you to my friends who rescued me  from falling face flat again. Kaya ko to!

Sorry but this post will be liberal-- free. What comes to my mind will just appear here in the post.

First, I am happy on where blogging brought me. I was just commenting on the Para Kay Janjan Facebook page on how disgusted I was with Willie Revillame, and now, I am here attending meetings after meetings and being active with the advocacy so close to my heart and meeting all these people. I also got the chance to write for BlogWatch. I am also copywriting articles so I get to earn my keep (I have no choice, I have to move out of that crappy situation). I am doing a lot of things now, and I like it, I don't complain. It makes me busy and distracted.

I need to be distracted because I am afraid of the silence. The silence conjures the ghosts of the recent past-- the very ghosts of the crappy things which lead me to where I am right now. It is also in that silence when the voice of my father resonates in me. That voice terrifies me and reduces me to self-pity. I can't even talk back to that voice even though the urge in me is already near-exploding. I don't know, maybe it's for the sake of respecting one's parent or maybe my strength to even respect myself in front of him was snatched away from me. The same time that the voice keeps playing, my thoughts are flooded with images of the people who think I'm not worth any of their attention. I just hate the silence. The silence can easily take my sanity away.

So here I am again, writing this post trying to vent out. Maybe this will not ease everything. i wanted to scream though, I just don't know where to do that foolish act. I just wanted to cry but I can't seem to cry it all out. I wanted to shake it all off but it seems that I can't even to that. therefore, I just really need to be distracted.

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