A Letter I Could Never Give/Tell to my Childhood Playmate

Five years ago we were playmates. Yeah, I was in high school and I play with you and your sister and our neighbors while you we're midway through elementary school. I'm three years older than you but we never mind, we play and play and play together until we bathed in our own sweat and we smelled stinky as hell. As the sun sets, we would go back to hour houses, looking forward for another round of Tagu-taguan next day.

Three years ago, I went to college without bidding farewell, You just started with high school-- so young-- you wouldn't care. As for me, I knew as soon as I graduated, I knew that I was too old for Langit-lupa and I have to deal with the problems of my troubled family, and the only way I could do that is by maturing. You wouldn't care for those things yet, but for me, I have to face the consequences of being three years older than you.

Then here I am, coming back to the neighborhood three years after I took off. My brother and sister are now in school and the town changed so much . I saw you...all grown-up...height is taller, shoulders are wider and voice is deeper. Yet, you still have that fluffy big brown eyes on your blemish-free face. You looked at me and smiled and I sent it back to you. But that's it. However deep inside, I wished we could talk about the three years we didn't see each other.

I see you everyday. We almost left our own home for school at the same time but we still do not talk. Maybe you matured too and found yourself too old to have a talk with your childhood  playmate. Or maybe we have different lives now---me going through college, establishing myself; and you coping and adjusting yourself through adolescence. I'm three years older than you and this age gap seems longer than it actually is.

To tell you the truth, I longed for the day you and I sit side-by-side, hands clasped, and my head resting on your broad shoulder. Not that I love you but I do like you. I am three years older and that makes me legal now and you are still not. These three years is hard for us to understand. i have too much burden but you still have the enthusiasm every day. I wouldn't want to take that away from you. But looking at you everyday makes my heart pounds wildly and every time you smile at me makes my blood rush to my face (Thanks to my dark complexion, you never noticed). but now, being three years older than you, I think the farthest I could go with you is just cherishing your malice-devoid smile and selfishly enjoy the instantaneous pleasure of seeing you smiling at me.