Yeah, I changed the design of this blog. yey for me! woot woot.
You see, I am new to adobe photoshop and a few days ago, I am completely unaware of how to use those buttons in the window. They are just too many of them and as analytic as I am, they seem too many to digest. I guess it would take me a whole college degree of lessons to learn Adobe photoshop. But thanks to online tutorials, I get to do some stuffs that I was not able to do.
Now I am focusing on making changes in this blog. I know I still have too many to learn when it comes to web designing but I guess I can manage to have changes here one at a time.
That's it for now.
PS. I did two images for the background. Here are they
This is the first one I did and it kinda looks mediocre for me. So tried to experimented a few things with Photoshop and below is the final piece. (So proud!).
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
My passwords are too long and they are too scientific to use, so right now I decided to change all of them for the sake of convenience. It is really hard when you share computer with your brothers (we are not rich) coz you can't really just make itself on automatically log-in for the fear of leaking informations (lol, there are things they shouldn't know). Therefore, I always find myself, every time using the computer, under go the tedious carpal-tunnel-risked finger position to type at least 32 characters that mean a single protein found in the mitochondria of a blue-green slime with two forks growing on to his head. lol.
That is for now.
PS: as you may see I am now writing without that title. What for, I am a random thinker and I can't even arrange the cluttered ideas in my mind.
***
I have been practicing with Adobe Photoshop and I am trying those online text tutorials. They went soo good take a look.
I love the first one. The last one was supposed to be gold plated, but i think I typed too much. I have to re do it.
Good times!
PS: I'm listening to an uploaded clip from Good Times with Mo Twister. Marc Nelson and Rovilson Fernandez on the Forbidden Question.
***
Monday, December 27, 2010
I talked to this guy on the phone and his voice is so warm and caring. I met this guy in the internet and he is from North Carolina. And he is a very nice guy. They say that one can find love in the most impossible places. Could this be it? We'll see.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
This is my coldest Christmas ever, well at least, literally.
It must have been around below 20 degrees outside and the air is crisp and chilly. Shivering seems more frequent to me now and I am wondering if this could lead to hypothermia. (knock on wood). Now I am wondering what if I go to those country where Christmas is not just like this cold. Colder. Ano kaya ang magiging itsura ko nun?!
Two days before Christmas, and I am thanking God that there is no wind. Baka kasi lalo pa akong ginawin?We have no aircon in the house but there is no need even for an electric fan right now. Every bare part of my body is like getting it's "fair"amount of cold. And feeling ko, magssnow na dito sa Pilipinas. Dream come true? I think I am not ready for that yet.
And as for having a cold Christmas on a metaphorical sense, well, I would say that this is my warmest Christmas ever. I never had a Christmas like this: planned. It is like having an actual family which I longed for. I only want this, happy family that I wished I have.
Yeah, that'sit fornow, I still have some gifts to wrap.
PS: I still need a boyfriend. lol
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Yeah, I changed the design of this blog yet I am still pathetic because I know I suck in web designing. I don't know anything about that so please bear with me. I just resort to what is available here. I promise I'll learn some interesting things here in the blog.
This past few days, I was hooked (and still am hooked) with gay flicks. No, not porn.....I mean, those sensible gay movies that were featured on foreign gay film festivals. Of course there is some skin and hot guys and kissing and spooning, but whatever, these movies I have watched are those with a real story. These movies ruined my blogging schedule but I don't really care. At the very least, I could still feel all this kiligs that I have imagining who my true love is and when shall I meet him.
These movies (Shelter, 2007; Latter Days, 2004), made me cry and feel an inexplicable sense of euphoria inside me. I really don't know if it is happiness because "kilig" is too plain for a word. The sexiness of the guys are just a plus but the acting is superb that the pairings are believable. I blame this movie for wanting some more coz I just can't seem to get enough with some gay romance. So there I was, scrumbling (I dunno if there is such a word) the internet to find online streaming of some sensible gay movie. (Note that i am looking for a MOVIE not for PORN).
After several hours of surfing and searching and most of the times frustrating myself to find copies, I came by the "supercouple" Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer (kilig again) of As The World Turns. This guys are so hot together, and lucky for me Van Hansis (the guy playing Luke, the blond guy) is gay. Their storyline is always almost over the top--because it is a soap-- but nonetheless their feelings are natural. Kilig again. What is great about this couple is that there is a certain LukeVanFan in YouTube that uploads EVERY scenes of their storyline ever since 2010!!!!! And thus, I am always spending my time watching them too and making kilig over the place. If you are interested on watching Luke and Noah click the link above and enjoy. I highly recommend it for non-homophobe people.
So what if I'm gay. I still have the right to have a lovelife and I'm praying to give me a boyfriend right now. Yeah, that is my christmas wish: A BOYFRIEND. But I rather have some high standards because looks pay off and my guy should have some sensible brain to talk with. So if anyone who's reading this pass, please, message me and we will see. Lol.
"Be honest and unmerciful"says rock icon Lester Bangs (Patrick Seymour Hoffman) to William Miller (Patrick Fugit) in the movie Almost Famous (2000). To be honest, I am not the most honest person in my life but this movie struck me and I saw how honesty and passion are the perfect ingredients for living life.
To this date, I have never researched on a movie that I am writing about. I am only concerned of what a movie says to me--more on a reflective stuff-- and I didn't care how the critics say, much more, rate a certain movie. However, this movie made me push for a little more so a hit on RottenTomatoes and read some movie reviews about Almost Famous. I found out that it got 88% rating in rotten tomatoes and got quite nice reviews from movie critics. I will not talk about them here because they get so technical there.
The movie features rock n' roll and I am the number one discriminatory person against those kind of music mostly because I just don't like that kind of music. Just plainly that-- no reason at all. Then suddenly came this movie (which I watched out of boredom) saying that music chooses the person and I was like, "Rock n' roll didn't choose me." The music that chose me is the music behind Little Mermaid, Lion King and Rent which made me look up to "La Vie Boheme" as the musical perfection. I found within me a personification of William's mother who's thinks that those kind of music is a bad influence. The movie made me realize I am in no position to judge a person with his choice of music as a basis after all, I am in no position to judge at all.
You see, I am not a kind of person you'll see jumping up and down and banging my head wildly in a crowd in front of a rock stage. I also disgust those people who almost line their eye at least a quarter of an inch thick and wearing their bangs all over their face and eventually slit their wrists. I am the kind of person listening to There's A Fine, Fine Line and Journey to the Past and act out the emotion of the song through dancing and theatrical gestures (So my brother is frequently annoyed when I burst out singing a song amidst household chores). Almost Famous made me realize that as much as I think those people on a almost pandemonic rock concert are crazy, I am as much as a lunatic.
But the movie is more than musical discriminatory. It is also about growing up and having a perspective in life. We can see the total transformation of William from a misfit boy to a mature person who understands the realities of life and the existence of true love. Kate Hudson's character saw the difference between a die-hard fanatic infatuation to true love. Lester saw the values of friendship. And among other, each character makes the movie work through making subtle but strong impact to us audience.
This movie opened my eyes to the diversity of culture; more specifically, seeing as music as an extension of poetry and another portal for fillings. Music chooses people as a wand chooses the wizard. Great Movie, Must see!
PS Sorry for making this post late. I am so hooked up with gay flicks and As The World Turns. I'll finish the two articles I'm lagging.
Last night, I waslearning to cook Menudo and as I cook I found myself singing Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Well the latest Glee Episode reminded me of this beautiful song (though I still think that Lea Michelle and Chris Colfer murdered the song, I still love Glee though) and as I cook I think of writing about the film adaptation of the musical Evita (1996). As of this writing, I'm listening to the song and also my favorite High, Flying, Adored.
With Madonna casted for the title role and Antonio Banderas as Che the narrator/critique, the movie is performed where everything is sung except for a few lines. I first watched this movie when I was in third year high school, utterly bored in a hot weekend, and found the copy on my father's DVD collection (I still wonder why my father have this copy. I never bothered to ask) . Madonna is simply amazing in the movie as she believingly portrays Eva Peron. However, what interests me in this movie is Banderas' character.
Che is a random person in the story line. He appears out of nowhere. In fact, he's everywhere and he narrates the "slutty" past, critics every move and sometimes acts as the conscience of Eva Duarte. Che puts me in a position if I could admire Evita being the woman of the masses-- the descamisados-- or see her as somebody who nurtures her own personal agenda while hiding to the cloak of being the saint-like. (Sounds familiar? If not, watch the show on TV5, 6:30 Pm on weekdays.). The presence of Antonio Banderas's character makes it hard to empathize fully with Evita Peron. It makes me wonder if Evita is just another victim of the well-established social class in Argentina or she is a conniving social climber very hungry of power.
Evita works in a way that it puts me in a position seeing every facet of Evita Peron. Moreover, Madonna is great and because I'm gay, the word great is underrated to describe Madonna to me. Here are my favorite scenes from the movie:
Since my latest favorite is Julia Powell, I'm going to try to post a Julie/Julia post right now. Oh Julia, forgive me.
***
Last night, I rummaged the fridge and it came to me to cook adobo but my Tita Offie offered to teach me how to cook Menudo. I agreed immediately. So after thawing the pork I found myself mincing onion and garlic and slicing bell peppers and sauteed the onion and garlic.
After I put the meet on the sautee, we remembered that we still haven't prepared the potatoes so I diced them as fast as I can to catch up with 10 minute simmering of the meat on water, soy sauce, and fish sauce. I luckily caught up with the meat.
The Menudo was simple, not that flamboyant style because we have no time to prepare because it was almost 11PM that time. Yes, we eat late a lot and I know its unhealthy but who cares, we are eating that late. So after the table is set, we sat down immediately and I found out my first menudo is good. It is not that great but it is good for a first timer. The meat was tender and juicy, so as the potatoes but the sauce is kind of salty. Oh well, I have the right to make mistake. At least, we all three enjoyed the meal.
PS: I ate a lot. I had three helpings of rice and belly is ballooning right now.
***
Oh Julia, don't hunt me down and kill me. I love you Julia, you inspired me a lot. Lol. I have to go to the salon later. Good Times!
I am a failure on my two movie blogs, yet I 'm still holding on in making those things successful. These movie blogs of mine follows different formats: one is a free movie blog where I write about any movies I watch and the other brings me to the journey of watching the greatest movies of the '90s. Both of them is inspired by The Julie/Julia Project by Julia Powell which I came across with watching Julie and Julia (2009) starring Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. These movie blogs the one who keeps me busy these days but as sloppy as I am, I never did any blogs until today and some few days ago.
Those two blogs are rather invisible to the blogsophere. Not to mention this blog is also invisible. But I don't care. I am not the most interesting person and my writing might suck in different aspects but you can't deny me of my right to express myself. So going back in the two blogs, writing posts to them felt like a great achievement for me who has nothing to do with my life except household chores. It feels refreshing to watch a movie after washing the dishes and then write something about the movie. I am following the footsteps of Julia but I have none of her wit and humor. See this blog is getting boring.
I am about to close this post without and spell check and rereading. This is my random rants so i don't care if this post has nothing to offer you. If you read this, then I successfully wasted your time. So yeah, see you in the next posts and hopefully those posts will have something in it.
PS: I have been alone here in the house for three days and I am trying to keep my sanity intact by writing this blog. Obviously, I failed (as usual). Nyahahahhaha
The first time I heard about Anne Frank was when I was in first year high school sitting in the auditorium and lazily watching a character portrayal contest for the English Week. There is this third year girl who portrayed Anne Frank and she did an amazing job of waking me up after spending half of the contest on almost closed eyes. I still vividly remembers how her minuted voice sounds cute when she says, "Dear Kitty" every time she monologues a diary entry. Since that time, I grew curious about this mysterious girl who talks to her diary anytime. I did some research and found out how hope stayed on this girl when it seems that every hope around her is too elusive to catch.
So I found myself few days ago searching Anne Frank on YouTube our of boredom and I came across this full movie (uploaded in 17 parts) entitled Anne Frank: The Whole Story (thanks romanov1918 for uploading). It is not actually a movie, it is a mini-TV series based on the book Anne Frank:The Biography by Melissa Muller (There is supposed to be an umlaut in u but I don't know how to do it) and it stars Hannah Taylor Gordon as Anne and Ben Kingsley who won a Screen Actor's Guild Award for portraying Otto Frank, Anne's father. The movie made me put faces on the stories I have read about the Frank's. What is nice about the movie is that it extends the story to the days where Ann spent some days in the concentration camps until the day she died in Bergen-Belsen. Anne Frank's story is about hope amidst the evils of humanity.
I talked about supernatural evils on my last post but what is more scary is the tangible evils that a person could afflict. This evil is infectious and it can spread very fast that is why the Frank's were driven to hiding. The persecution of the Jews-- if not the most-- is one of the scariest moments in the history were thousands of innocent people were killed because of the stupid reason that they belong to the inferior race. It is stupid to cleanse the supposed to be master "Aryan Race" and Hilter is damned incarnate evil to afflict that ideology. The Holocaust was not just about driving Jews from their homes but actually killing them for inhumane methodology such as starving, gas chambers and shooting random Jews for leisure. It is so sad that hope that is abundant in Anne's personality was sucked out of her piece per piece until she looks to heaven defeated at the last scene.
On the lighter side, there is the character of Miep Gies (Lili Taylor), the one who sneaked the Frank Family in the attic above their office. The Frank depends on Miep and three others for their food and supplies and most importantly their secret . Lili Taylor's role has not many lines in the story but the sense of her trustworth is always expelled in the atmosphere every time she is in a frame. It is warming to have Miep Gies's character to buffer the darkness all throughout the movie. No wonder the real Miep Gies was blessed by long life (She died January 2010). Her persona is the ultimate epitome of a friend, that is, of trust.
It is so sad for me to watch this great film because of seeing how people could do great evils. It is just like Lord Voldemort and Muggles, just more concrete and indeed scarier. This movie leaves me in a position to wonder what if I'll lose hope with life. I hope that everything that is happening to me right now will not suck out the hope inside me. I think we just need to remind ourselves that Anne endured the worst thing.
I have abandoned this site so a few months ago because I felt like a failure and, thus, started a new movie blog with a strict sense of order than this 4-movies-a week blogging. However, I am also a failure with that blog and found myself in the struggle between writing only the movie blogs following the format on my other blog and writing things about any movies I watched. So I decided to do both and write in this blog about any movies I watch while waiting to download the movies I am supposed to watch. (Damn internet connection: leeching its way that torrent downloads only get max download rate of about 9kbps). And here I am, getting back on this blog clean-slate and without any promises. Just writing for the sake of keeping my sanity intact amidst household chores and boredom.
Returning to my old ways of writing blog, I am coming back now to tackle the 2005 horror flick The Exorcism of Emily Rose. This film was first screened when I was in second year high school, but I first saw this in my senior year because of my friend, Oliver, keeps talking how scary this movie was. After too much hesitation, I rented out a copy and watched it bravely alone, in front of my desktop and just hearing the snores of my apneic father from the other room. After about 90 minutes of shock, I soon find myself sleeping with a Bible placed on my chest and wrapped around my arms. Yes, I was sooo scared that time that I easily sought the company of my church-mates and have me prayed over so I can get a good night sleep after almost a week walking to class like a walking zombie (Luckily Plants vs. Zombies is not yet around by that time or else I'll be having rotten tomatoes and eggplant bullets all over my uniform).
With Jennifer Carpenter portraying the lead role Emily, the main plot is set on a court room where a ambition-propelled lawyer Erin Bruner (Laura Linney) defends, although reluctantly at first, Father Richard Moore (Tom Wilkinson) who performed the exorcism rights and is now charged of negligence resulting to Emily's death. The whole trial changed the perspective of the seemingly religiously apathetic Bruner when she feels some supernatural presence at nights. Meanwhile Father Moore goes on the witness's stand to tell the story of Emily and of the demonic possession. It was revealed that Emily was possessed by 6 demons including Lucifer himself. Here is the clip of last exorcism of Emily Rose before she died.
I recently watched this movie for the third time last Halloween, 3AM the same time when Emily was last exorcised. I was watching it with my little brother and my cousins who are so scared that they can't sleep after the movies. I told them that the movie is actually based on the true story of Anneliese Michel and they started freaking out making my brother pray every night before going to sleep.
The movie works darkly and you can sense the darkness creeping all over you when you watch this film. Three years have passed, and back then I was actively involved in church activities and right now I grew into someone like Erin Bruner, apathetic towards religion. Maybe because I know my evolution very well or I am annoyed with my grandfather's fanaticism towards Eliseo Soriano, but I just don't care with my religion anymore. However, I still have my faith in God and I know for a fact that He exists and so as the demons. The fear I felt when I first saw this movie, I think, is a proof already. We might believe in very different things and we could see Emily's story in different perspective, one thing is apparent though: Evil is always around lurking and trying to break our lives.
Actually. I do not know how to classify my religious view so I will just classify myself as an agnostic leaning towards the positive perception towards God. I believe that there is God, I just know that there is, and that is my manifestation of my faith. The thing that I do not believe about is religion.
Religion, for me, is just a result of fanaticism. Yes, there are perks if you actually join one, for example, you get to have a company, meet new folks, develop together spiritually etc. But one thing that bothers me about religion is its ability to dictate, more often than not, subtly to its followers, thus, blinding them to personal analysis of a certain issue. I am not talking about the Catholic Church alone (I am baptised a Catholic btw), but any other religion out there. (To tell you something, I am horrified with Islam and I have the tendency to relate it to violence. Blame the media for that).
Many things affected me leading to my belief right now. On a large scale, take for example the meddling of the Church to a purely secular and political issue about legislating the RH Bill (Kudos to Carlos Celdran), claiming that it will be an issue of morality. Personally however, I am always bothered by the way my grandfather seemed to "worship" Brother Eli Soriano. When I attended a worship service of this Church, which I did as a favor to my lolo, this tele-evangelist claimed, with the "basis" from Paul, that the 10 Commandments were given by an angel not by God. for the record, I was scandaled when out of nowhere, Soriano asked to flash a series of "testimonials" claiming that they saw this annoying and ill-mouthed evangelist's head was illuminated by a unknown light source- implying that Soriano was sent by the heaven here. These things made me think if religion is actually necessary. As i viewed religion, the longer it stays the more it gets traditional and ceremonial-- making faith superficial, not a deep communication cord with God.
Currently, I am reading The God Delusion by the famous atheist Richard Dawkins. I got interested in this book because of a series of online conversation with my friend and some readings about the author. I am not yet finished with book (I have read 2 chapters now and mostly they deal about the falsity of agnosticism, the delusion of the existence of a supernatural intelligence), but I have doubts on whether I should finish the book or not. I always feel sad and burdened by reading every word of the book. Dawkins' arguments are well established and frankly logical in a scientific point of view. He can really be persuasive and while reading the book, there are moments that I seemed to doubt the actual existence of God. This book is shaking me yet I am afraid to let go of my faith. I always feel the tension between my curiosity to finish the book and the belief that there is someone there watching me reading TGD.
Religion is a very difficult matter to discuss, considering the high level of respect it receives from any society. In our country, being the only Catholic country in Asia, the Church has the control on our collective unconscious (Maybe this is a manifestation that we are not actually over with the oppressive control of the Spanish). However for me, I have to say that I do not belong to any religions or if I do have one, I have to call it a religion of my own. I just have to go directly to God if I have to confess, request, or want his Guidance without any intervention of a dictating third party. After all-- and ironically for I have learned this from my Theology professor-- I really could not comprehend the very nature of God because I am just human.
Week Number 1 (still) and Movie Number 3: The Notebook (2004). (Yes, it is based on the novel of Mr. Nicholas Sparks of the same title.)
The only bad thing about this movie is that it is one of those country-boy-meets-city-girl movie he making the plot very predictable. You know that in the end, Noah and Allie will be united despite their differences and the parent hindrance. Although they have twisted the timeline (making it non-linear because the story is told on a flashback), they made their greatest flaw by giving a very obvious hint that the two oldies are in fact the lovers in the story as written in the notebook when the nurse "gave" the name of the old girl. Nevertheless, watching the movie makes a well spent two hours for the audience.
Of course, the timeless plot template of well-refined-girl-fell-in-love-with-the-bad-boy is always cherished especially by the girls (and I am gay, thus, I count as "girl"). The movie makes it you remember that day when you first fell in love no matter if it was only a puppy love. Noah was a man of few words and it makes him simplay hot and it makes you want him (or not him, maybe someone like him. Talk about Derek Ramsay). And naturally, you would want to act like the spoiled Allie who wants to be with her beau most of the time and start to make fights with him which both of you would reconcile in sweet caressing hugs and maybe a prolonged kiss. Romantic it is for the girls but I think the guys have some difficulties appreciating this movie because an obvious appreciation would have them appear to be at least effeminate.
With Alzheimer's Disease being the major blockade of their supposedly continuing love story, the movie saved itself from the major fires because of this trick. We are sure that Noah, as steadfast to his love for Allie, reads the notebook to her so often in order for her to fulfill her promise to "return" every time the story is retold. And we are glad that she "returns" everytime he reads the story to her; however tragically that it only last for five minutes at most. Also, the recurring symbolism of the mansion highlights two main "roads" of the story line: First, the mansion's renewal manifests the hope that Allie would come back to him once the mansion is finsihed, and last, its transformation from old to new can be juxtaposed with the implied resurrection of their love after their physical death. Therefore, the movie, although it has the cheesiest plot template, have depth and unique visual palatability. It makes us still believe that there are wonderful things in our life amidst the pain and trials that we are burdened.
Ryan Gosling has already proven to be one of the greatest actors of this era. His hotness and the believability of his acting is a very good choice for the movie. For this movie, he won the Teen Choice Awards for a breakout performance of a male and an actor for a drama flick-- a true evidence that the movie hs a lot of teenage fans (what would we expect?). Also, Rachel McAdams has used her innate Queen Bee she also used for Mean Girls (2004) in order to portray successfully the spoiled, rich kid nature of Allie. Combining the innate talents of this actors, they made one of the classic kiss flicks in the entire history which catapulted them into series of dating sessions after the movie screening. Indeed, they make a wonderful couple and it contributed so much to the success of the movie.
One thing that we can learn about The Notebook is that love endures forever. However cheesy that line is, it gives us hope and it encourages us to engage in a loving relationship. In our times now, true love maybe hard to find and girls would have the difficulties now to find a bad-boy sawmill worker but the movie assures us that love is always there hoping to be found in the right place and time.
Apologies first: Sorry to you that I haven't posted anything else since Sunday because my grandmother chose to stay on that isolated town without internet access rather than spending the rest of our vacation with my cousins here in the city. I am just sooooo hooked in to writing this blog that it bothers my conscience all the time that I didn't write anything for the past how-many days. At least, I am still on the schedule and it is still Week Number 1 so I could catch up with my everlasting vow to make this blog a success.
SO HERE IS NOW THE MAIN COURSE
It is Week 1 and Movie Number 2. Romeo + Juliet (1996) is one of the most creative movie I have ever saw. Having these classical script from William Shakespeare's play of the same title, it is refreshing to see this modernized movie after years of seeing the script staged with those elaborate and flamboyant costumes. how there costumes where and especially seeing the nice body of Benvolio and the hot boyish body of Romeo.....ooh ooh, sizzling. "(Okay, I'll stop talking hotness here, it is getting cheesy).
The classic love story of this two couple which started as love at first sight never fails to bring tears to my eyes. However, this film was astoundingly amazing because instead of sticking to the conventions set by the script of Shakespeare, this movie has done a positive make-over for the entire story. While retaining the traditional dialogue of the script, the movie seamlessly and naturally fits itself to the revised and modernized adaptation. Thus, having instead the original family feud between the house of Montague and the house of Capulet, the film made it a corporate war between the feuding families which didn't exactly terrorize the original storyline. As an example for those who haven't seen the movie yet, here is the legendary balcony scene from the movie:
Starring Leonardo di Caprio and Claire Danes as the juvenile lovers, the acting was as superb as the novel characterization of the dramatis personae. No one could ever predict that Lady Capulet could wear a very sexy Cleopatra-inspired costume and Mercutio cross-dressed during the Capulet's party. No wonder that this movie earned several awards for the creativity it exhibits.
Overall, the movie makes the very difficult Shakespearean vocabulary easier to understand and lets my generation appreciate the play with such ease. I do hope that many producers would modernize other Shakesperean plays as much as this movie has been a success.
PS. There is a new trending topic in Twitter that is just running five weeks. It is also about a modernized Romeo and Juliet. If you are reading right now, try to log-on to your twitter account and follow Romeo and Juliet. http://www.suchtweetsorrow.com/
Well, this is not really "again", I just made a reference from my first post in this blog.
It is my first week to my new devotion and actually, I did not made any plans to write this blog until I watched Julie and Julia (2009) few days ago. I know it will be redundant to say (my apologies) that this movie had inspired me to do this blog and now, I am trying to follow Julie Powell's tract: WRITE.
This movie is more than just about cooking and baking and writing. This movie is about Love and Passion towards life. This movie made me wonder what life has to offer me and what I am passionate about. (Well, I would not want to be an existentialist again and I am saving my life-is-a-bitch ranting to my other blog because that will bore you). Julia and Julie are passionate about their cooking that that became there life. This movie taught us that passion is the antecedent of life. And not just life, but also the greatest joy of being in love- not just with someone, but with life itself.
The movie was great. It made me laugh at the unusual voice of Julia (it is soo ipit and it made me remembered the voice of Felicity Huffman in Transamerica---ooh I love to write about that) and the way she makes up for her mistakes in cooking. It also made me as frustrated when Julie overslept and find her Boeuf Bourguignon burnt. It is a mixture of all the emotions and the aggregate of these emotions makes you to commit to something and achieve something in life. Thus as inspirational as it is, it makes us do something in life.
In some funny way, I felt kinda awkward to Amy Adams because she is far beyond the Giselle I watched on Enchanted (2007) when I first saw her. You can see a great difference between her portrayal of the two characters which makes her a very good actress. Moreover, Meryl Streep is as astounding as she is as she portray Julie with that unusual voice and awkward manner in the "high-fashioned, well-groomed" streets of Paris (no wonder she won a Golden Globe and an Oscar nomination for Best Actress).
Needless to say, Julie and Julia is one of the greatest movies the world has seen. As it is work on the development of a certain passion to propel one person, it makes us realize that in life, hardships come and go but with enough passion and strength, we could have anything that we wanted on the right time and on the right situation.
PS: I will follow Julie Powell to her site and I would love to take correspondence with her!
It is hard having a life without a certain goal-- when you had just witness that your whole world, together with your dreams, had crushed upon your very eyes. It is hard, yes: harder than having Sue Sylvester gets to have a scoliosis for 30-so years.
Whenever I am alone by myself, thoughts are haunting me and they confront me with an excruciating suffering of whether I will stay this slowpoke for the rest of my life or not. Of course,I would want to be someone great. After all, that was my fuel way back those time when I was in the Ateneo. TO BE GREAT. Whatever form it will take, basta, I have to be great. Also, I dreamed of being a surgeon (as inspired by Meredith Grey) or a teacher in college having all these Ph.D's or any other affixes to my name. Yes, I was so determined that time to have as many achievements as I could and I was so competitive. But you see, those days are replaced (I would not say that they were gone. There is still hope. I know) by a cruel nightmare spanned its way for almost a year now. I lacked focus and I feel strength to continue with life was snatched away from me. I am not that enthusiastic with life now. I feel miserable and even I can't comprehend the gravity of grief that I am feeling now.
It is just I feel that I am lost from the chaotic history of life. Yes, I fucked up entirely but you know, there is always these thoughts that if ever I had a better family, i would be a better person right now. I know it is sooo foolish of me wanting for something that is irreplaceable but if you could just know how my father terrorize me emotionally, you would want to have a better father. How could he be so selfish? He is! Soooo selfish that he can't even help me overcome my sickness. He always looks at me with disgusts that I didn't know where it is coming from. He just hated me being myself and I can't even get his respect. Well, I am just going with the flow with this kind of father and as God as my witness, there will come a time when I am the one who will have the last hearty laugh over him. Thinking of him is enough to have my mind discombobulated and chaotic. I hate it when he can't even feel a sort of remorse and blame everything to me including the death of my tita who died because of a heart failure. He would not even take some responsibility over the craziness of his life and often tell me that we have problems of our own and we must deal with it by myself. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE CONCEPT OF FAMILY AS A FAMILY. They were the one who taught us to be selfish with our feelings!
Life is hard especially having my situation. I just wish to have something that will inspire me to do again. Just a little something to propel me forward!
The difference, I realized, between being alive and being dead is that sense of push that motivates you to continue further with life. That motivation propels you forward to do the things you like, to make things happen as you want them to happen, and most especially, to pursue what you are really passionate about--that is, your dreams. That sense of motivation is clearly what I am lacking now.
I was not a good person. I shit around so much in Ateneo: Totally enjoying the temporary freedom given to me away from the horrors of my home and simultaneously losing my own self of identity. I betrayed trusts and friendships and confused with the feeling of being alone. An irony it is, because I was the one who turned down the opportunities to reconcile. Yes, I shit so much....and I totally regret those shitting around. God knows how my conscience grinds my soul in remorse.
Right now, I just don't know. I just don't know what to do with this fucking life. My mother, fortunately, tries to bridge the gap between us and I, fortunately, had overcome the life-long communication barrier between us and I am totally grateful that she understands my position. She always ask me what my plans are, and the only reply that she is getting (as you would predict): I DON'T KNOW. And what I don't understand with this "I don't know" is that I used to be this dreamer who always want to soar and I did soar at some point in my life. I just don't understand why I am like this.
It is not easy for me, yes, living my life like this--without purpose. And some people around me thinks that I am just still playing with my life. I am not playing games now, I am being existential. Now that I am trying to reconnect with my father, siblings and other family relationships: They are making it harder for me. Mocking me. Honestly, when I am with my father, I always have this feeling that he mocks me, he disgusts me because I'm gay, and he thinks that I am now hopeless. It is really hurting me....excruciatingly, and he thinks I deserve to be in this ravine. He sometime says good things about me but I can feel the fakeness of those words. I can't see the ingenuity of him when he talks at me, I am feeling the mockery and malice.
Yes, I did fell a long long way down since and right now, I am totally wasted. I lack the motivation to go further and now losing hope in getting one because there are still people around me that denies me of having one. As much as I plead for their help to salvage me, they are just making it harder for me. Right now, I think I need help from my friends or even someone who could I talk to with and just burst out because these tears need to flow out of me. I am alone, I know, because of own doings, but right now....I need your help.
